In a Star Wars Cantina of side-show freaks, this nincompoop takes the prize
Well, folks, just when you thought the circus is just getting warmed up, it turns out they’ve got yet another act to entertain us with: making Donald Trump’s June 14 birthday a national holiday. Yes, you heard that right. A day dedicated to the former reality TV star turned leader of the free world. I mean, what’s next? A national monument made entirely of spray tan?
Now, I’m all for a good party, and heaven knows we Americans love an excuse to fire up the grill and pop open a cold one. But let’s pump the brakes and take a moment to ponder the absurdity of this proposal. Picture it: a day when schools are closed, federal employees (or what’s left of them) get the day off, and the rest of us are left scratching our heads, trying to make sense of it all. Move over, Presidents’ Day – there’s a new sheriff in town, and he’s bringing covfefe.
Enter Rep. Claudia Tenney (R-NY), our Brain-Dead Moron choice of the week. Not content with being a boot-licking toady, she wants to rocket to the head of the class with this idiotic proposal. In a Star Wars Cantina of side-show freaks, Darth Mauls and goose-stepping Brownshirts, this nincompoop takes this weeks prize. Quite the accomplishment really, given all the choices.
So maybe it’s worth a call to her office to congratulate her on a truly stupid idea (you can use the word unique), and to thank her for destroying what’s left of our enthusiasm for Flag Day. For the record, her office number is (202) 225-3665.
Supporters of this idea argue that Trump’s contributions to our nation’s history are unparalleled. And sure, he certainly made headlines – and plenty of them. From “alternative facts” to “very fine people on both sides,” the man’s legacy is a veritable cornucopia of unforgettable moments. But do these soundbite sensations really warrant a full-fledged holiday? I reckon not.
Opponents, on the other hand, are quick to point out the potential pitfalls of this grand scheme. For starters, can you imagine the sheer chaos of having two national holidays dedicated to a single individual’s birthday? George Washington and Abraham Lincoln must be rolling in their graves. And what about the inevitable commercialization of the day? Before you know it, retailers will be rolling out “Trump Day Blowout Sales” and offering limited-edition MAGA hats with every purchase. It’s enough to make you weep into your American flag beach towel.
But let’s not forget the delicious irony of it all. This is the same man who once proclaimed, “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose voters.” Well, Mr. Trump, you might just gain a holiday instead. If making Donald Trump’s June 14 birthday a national holiday ain’t the American dream, I don’t know what is.
As with any good spectacle, the effort to make Trump’s birthday a national holiday has its fair share of colorful characters. There’s the die-hard supporter who’s been hoarding Trump memorabilia like it’s the gold standard, the skeptical historian who’s penning a scathing op-ed as we speak, and the bewildered taxpayer who’s just trying to make sense of it all. It’s a veritable three-ring circus, complete with clowns, jugglers, and the occasional fire-breather. And of course, there are the sophisticated crypto-dingbats who were stupid enough to buy Melania’s coin. Or the gold sneakers.
So, what’s the takeaway from this latest chapter in the never-ending Trump saga? Well, folks, it’s a reminder that truth is indeed stranger than fiction. And while the idea of a national holiday in honor of Donald Trump may seem like a far-fetched fever dream, stranger things have happened. After all, we once elected a peanut farmer from Georgia and an actor from California to the highest office in the land. Who’s to say what’s next? A lobotomized stooge? Oh wait….
Just another chapter in the Donny Horror Picture Show.
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
