Greg Steube’s Metro Madness: A Bill to Rename the Washington Metro System After Trump? Really?
If you thought American politics couldn’t get any weirder, Rep. Greg Steube of Florida just popped out of the congressional clown car with a bill to rename the Washington Metro system after Donald J. Trump.
Because when your party’s infrastructure plan is held together with duct tape and campaign slogans, the real priority is slapping a reality TV star’s name on the subway. Welcome to Greg Steube’s Metro renaming Trump tour—next stop, Absurdity.
Steube’s Big Idea: The “Donald J. Trump Metro”
In a move that’s equal parts ridiculous and deeply sycophantic, Rep. Steube has proposed renaming the Washington, D.C., Metro system the “Washington Metropolitan Authority for Greater Access, or WMAGA (a.k.a. The Trump Train).”
Yes, really.
At a time when Americans are worried about inflation, housing, healthcare, and whether the Metro will catch fire again, Steube has decided the greatest threat to the republic is a subway system that doesn’t carry the name of a former president with an escalator fetish.
Forget Infrastructure—This Is Obsequious Performance Art
The stated reason? Trump “championed infrastructure.” Which is sort of like saying I championed the moon landing because I once watched Apollo 13.
Let’s recall: Trump’s administration promised “Infrastructure Week” so often it became a running joke—like a calendar reminder for a meeting that never happens. But now, in what can only be described as legislative cosplay, Greg Steube is trying to one-up his fellow MAGA mascots in the Race for First Toadie.
Trying Too Hard to Please Trump
If this feels less like governing and more like an audition for Trump’s next Truth Social shout-out, that’s because it is. While other Republicans are busy shipping migrants across state lines or tweeting themselves into oblivion, Greg Steube is rebranding the subway—something Trump himself wouldn’t ride even if you sprayed it with gold paint and added steak.
Naming public transportation after a man whose idea of commuting is a golf cart to the buffet line? Chef’s kiss of irony.
A Bipartisan Moment… of Laughter
To be fair, Steube has achieved something rare: bipartisan unity, as Democrats, Republicans, and Metro pigeons all collectively chuckle at the idea. A bill to rename the Washington Metro system won’t fix its delays, smoke problems, or 1970s décor—but it will generate a lot of eye-rolls and late-night monologue jokes.
If Steube really wants to honor Trump, might we suggest:
- A stalled escalator.
- A defunct ticket machine.
- Or one of those Metro screens that’s permanently “under maintenance”—but still charges your card.
Perfect metaphors for both the Metro and modern politics. Or maybe have “Boot-Licking Trump Stooge” tattooed on his forehead.
Steube’s Subway Sideshow
This bill, like a broken Red Line train, is going nowhere fast. But it’s a perfect snapshot of the political theater we’ve come to expect in 2025: style over substance, slogans over service, and empty gestures to curry favor with the golden calf of Mar-a-Lago.
So thanks, Greg. You’ve given us a good laugh—and a clear reminder of what happens when ego meets infrastructure in the worst way possible.
In the meantime, real Metro riders will keep navigating actual problems—like catching a train that works—while Rep. Steube navigates the treacherous path of Trump worship with all the grace of a commuter trying to balance a coffee on a broken escalator.
This is almost as good as last week’s moron.
