Cruel AND Evil ! What a Combination!
Now, unlike the reigning court jesters of Congress, Marjorie Trailer-Park Greene and Lauren Yeehaw Boobert, this fella at least knows how to string together a coherent sentence. And that, my friends, makes him all the more dangerous. Meet Senator Jim Banks—a man who combines the moral compass of a weasel in a henhouse with the compassion of a cinder block. Cruel and evil.
Now, let’s be clear: Banks isn’t one of those old-fashioned, garden-variety, aw-shucks politicians who at least pretend to care about the little guy. No sir. He is a bootlicking, billionaire-bowing, toadying toad of the highest order. A man whose principles—should he ever accidentally acquire any—would fit neatly into a billionaire’s pocket. Right next to their tax loopholes. And speaking of his bosses, you better believe he’s got ‘em. Not just the usual corporate overlords, but the big enchilada himself, Herr Pumpkinführer. You know, the Orange One, whose shadow looms over every Republican like a bad spray tan.
Now, if you were wondering just how deep this guy’s well of human empathy runs, allow me to direct your attention to his latest greatest hit: a viral video where a laid-off federal employee dared to ask why Banks and his buddies had just tossed him out like last week’s leftover meatloaf. Now, a normal human being—heck, even a moderately well-trained Golden Retriever—might have responded with a little sympathy. But not our boy Banks! Oh no, he hit him with a snappy “You deserved it” followed by a triumphant “You seem like a clown!” Just in case you were confused about the pecking order here: billionaire tax cuts = good, hardworking Americans = disposable. Cruel and evil.
And if you thought that was as bad as it gets, bless your heart, because Banks wasn’t done yet. When asked if maybe, just maybe, he’d consider apologizing for treating a working American like something he scraped off his boot, Banks made it crystal clear: “Nope! Not sorry! And I’d do it again!” Ah yes, the modern GOP’s mantra: cruelty isn’t just the point—it’s the whole game.
His real puppetmaster: Marc L. Andreessen, a Silicon Valley billionaire whose main hobby is being an “unofficial” member of Elon Musk’s DOGE Squad.
Now, you may ask yourself, what fuels this level of unvarnished, industrial-strength callousness? Friends, the answer lies in his campaign finance reports, where one name pops up like a flashing neon sign over a payday loan store: Marc L. Andreessen, a Silicon Valley billionaire whose main hobby—other than burning money to keep warm—is being an “unofficial” member of Elon Musk’s DOGE Squad. And if you haven’t been keeping up, let me sum up the mission of DOGE in a single sentence: “Destroy people’s lives and careers so the rich can afford a few more rocket ships.” And Jim Banks? Oh, he is ALL IN on that plan. He’s not just holding the pom-poms—he’s leading the parade.
And folks, the worst part? He actually seems to enjoy it. There is a special kind of twisted glee that some of these guys take in punching down, like it’s a sport, and Banks is gunning for MVP. He is the kind of man who would steal your lunch money, call it an economic incentive, and then tell you to thank him for the free market experience.
So here’s to you, Jim Banks: a man whose only true accomplishment is managing to be both a stooge and a menace in equal measure. Your constituents deserve better, but will they wise up in time? Well, hope springs eternal, but I sure won’t be holding my breath. In the meantime, wear that Golden Dunce Cap with pride—you’ve certainly earned it, you absolute clown.
